GTA 5's Epsilon Program is a long, deliberately absurd cult questline that ends with a choice: hand over your money or run off with around $2 million. Here is every step, in order, and how to walk away rich.
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The Epsilon Program is GTA 5's parody of a money-hungry celebrity cult, and its questline is one of the longest and strangest in the game. It is played entirely as Michael, it costs a chunk of cash along the way, and it ends with a decision that can leave you about $2 million richer. Here is the whole thing, in order.
On Michael's phone or computer, visit epsilonprogram.com and take the "Evaluate Your Identity" survey (your answers do not matter). After that, a question-mark icon appears near Rockford Hills to begin the questline proper. The whole thing unlocks the "Kifflom!" achievement when finished.
The program bleeds you for cash and time across several stages:
None of it is difficult, but it is deliberately tedious, which is the joke.
Next you buy the Epsilon Robes for $25,000 and then have to wear them while sleeping repeatedly to advance time and "attune." Expect to sleep roughly 40 times in the robes (each sleep is six in-game hours). Switch to another character and back to fast-forward through it if you want.
The most infamous step: in full Epsilon gear, you must run about 5 miles on foot through the desert, staying inside the marked zone, with no vehicles and without dying. It is long and dull, but straightforward as long as you keep moving and do not stray off the path.
The questline ends when you bring a large final donation to cult leader Cris Formage. Here is where it pays off:
Almost everyone takes the money. It is the single best non-heist payday in story mode, and walking off with the cult's cash is the punchline the whole questline is building toward.
The Epsilon Program is a time sink, but it pays for itself many times over if you betray at the end, and it counts toward your Strangers and Freaks tally for 100%. Do it as Michael, push through the sleeping and the desert run, and cash out.
